EXTRA THINGS FOR THESE DAYS WHEN WE NEED SOMETHING TO AMUSE AND MAKE US SMILE
A printer was making leaflets for a local church. The client wanted a logo designed with Earth being shielded by the hand of God. The printer sent the client a roof. Shortly thereafter, he got a call. The client said, "The hand looks too human. Please use a hand that looks more like God's."
* After having children, Adam and Eve started getting a lot of questions from their kids about why they no longer lived in Eden. Adam has a simple answer for this: “Your mother ate us out of house and home.” * All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom. The bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card. * A trooper pulls over a clelric and immediately smells alcohol on his breath. The next thing he notices is an empty wine bottle lying on the passenger seat. “Have you been drinking?” the officer asks. “Just water,” says the man. “Then why do I smell wine?” The cleric looks at the bottle and shouts, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!” * While watching TV one Sunday, I watched as a church in Atlanta honored one of its senior pastors. He was 92 and I wondered why the church asked the old gentleman to preach at that age. After a warm welcome and introduction, and as the applause quieted, he rose from his high back chair and walked slowly, with great effort and a sliding gait to the pulpit. Without a note or written paper of any kind he placed both hands on the pulpit to steady himself and then slowly he began to speak.
"When I was asked to come here today and talk to you, I was asked to tell you what was the greatest lesson ever learned in my 50-odd years of preaching. I thought about it for a few days and boiled it down to just one thing that made the most difference in my life and sustained me through all my trials.
The one thing that I could always rely on when tears and heartbreak, pain, fear and sorrow paralyzed me... the only thing that would comfort was this verse:
"Jesus loves me this I know. For the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, we are weak but He is strong, Yes, Jesus loves me.... The Bible tells me so."
The old pastor stated, "I always noticed that it was the adults who chose the children's hymn 'Jesus Loves Me' (for the children, of course) during a hymn sing, and it was the adults who sang the loudest because I could see they knew it the best."
"Here for you now is a Senior version of Jesus Loves Me":
Jesus loves me, this I know, Though my hair is white as snow Though my sight is growing dim, Still He bids me trust in Him. (CHORUS) YES, JESUS LOVES ME.. YES, JESUS LOVES ME.. YES, JESUS LOVES ME, FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO.
Though my steps are oh, so slow, With my hand in His I'll go On through life, let come what may, He'll be there to lead the way. (CHORUS)
When the nights are dark and long, In my heart He puts a song. Telling me in words so clear, "Have no fear, for I am near." (CHORUS)
When my work on earth is done, And life's victories have been won. He will take me home above, Then I'll understand His love. (CHORUS)
I love Jesus, does He know? Have I ever told Him so? Jesus loves to hear me say, That I love Him every day. (CHORUS)